The thing with fringes is that they are a dealbreaker.
A fringe that is well-behaved and allows itself to be styled will set the tone for your day, whispering comfortingly ‘because you’re worth it.’ It will allow you to look passable even if the rest of you is comprised of a spattering of hastily applied mascara long since smudged below your eyes, a pair of maternity dungarees accessorised with a smear of snot from a toddler-soothing-hiccuping-raggedy-head-on-your-shoulder-cuddle, and a pair of trainers that you bought in Freshers’ Week. It will save you any worry about the behommeth spot on your temple or your out of control eyebrows. You will save a third of your daily Foundation allowance not having to do anything with your forehead. Your day will be just fine.
But if even a tiny section of that fringe will not play ball or you are exposed to the minutest bit of moisture in the air, you are quite quite done-for. You have what resembles a greasy slug on your forehead. You are a horrible throwback to the 90s, or a scarecrow, or simply a moron. Once a fringe has thrown in the towel, there is no salvaging it. No-one can style out a crappy fringe day. You cannot clip the bugger up because it mocks you by being not quite long enough. A sweep to the slide only makes it greasier and more prone to cling to your forehead like a damp rag. A headscarf is the equivalent of neon flashing sign screaming LOOK AT THIS IDIOT! All day long people look at you and wince, or raise an eyebrow, or worst of all do that poorly covered guffaw-cough thing.
Yes yes yes, I know it is a hashtag first world problem. I do. I am being shallow as a puddle. But you see I started today so well – nice long shower, happy toddler, husband at home, FIVE birds spotted in the garden at the same time (joy!) and a good fringe day. And then that bloody rain shower happened and the moisture got to it, and I have spent the afternoon ducking my head and snarling under my breath and my mood is BLACK all for a little triangle of hair that just will not behave.
dazedandmumfused is on Twitter @dazednmumfused and Instagram: dazedandmumfused