Is there a course you can go on to learn to pack a suitcase? A handy e-learning suite? A set of flashcards with the essential steps to take? Or is it in fact, as I have long suspected, a secret ninja skill only possessed by an elite few?
I fail at every aspect of it: knowing what to take, knowing how much to take, knowing how to organise it.
It is a friend’s Wedding this weekend, down/over/across (?) Ipswich way, and I will be away for two nights and then go on to James’ parents in Ross on Wye (where Blake will be while I’m away) for a further two nights. This requires me to pack for myself and my child for FOUR nights. Which in my book basically requires shoving the house and all of its contents into two suitcases whilst my child sleeps, swearing under my breath and inevitably falling over multiple times before retiring to bed in the early hours in a foul mood without achieving a great deal, only to start again a few hours later.
And that is before we even start on the folding. SUCH A DILEMMA! Does one fold or does one roll ones clothes? Does one place heavy items at the bottom and pad underwear and socks around them? Where where WHERE for the love of all that is good does one’s hair dryer go? One’s child’s nightlight? The million nappies and wipes? The emergency stock of Calpol, and Calamine (because we’re all on permanent pox alert at the moment aren’t we?), and the iPhone charger and Kindle charger and GOOD GRIEF I ALMOST FORGOT THE SWIM NAPPIES AND MY DEODORANT.
I was bad at this before I had a child. I remember rocking up at James’ parents house to stay for a week’s holiday early in our relationship and unloading a black bin bag full of shoes to the sound of his Dad’s laughter. And carting a suitcase that was basically as tall as me on the train to Sheffield for a ONE NIGHT University reunion. When my friend picked us up from the Station, we had to drive back to where we were staying with the suitcase hanging precariously out of the window.
Now I have a child, it is nothing short of traumatic. I am in a blind panic, alternating between writing this, staring at the pile of unsorted washing in the spare room, and roaming round the garden muttering I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T DO IT.


dazedandmumfused is on Twitter @dazednmumfused and Instagram: dazedandmumfused


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