We interrupt this blog to bring you a recipe: Sat 20th September 2014

Blake ate soup at Nursery last week. Which coincided with me not being so well after our little camping trip and finding the prospect of soup, a thing that normally turns me right off, unexpectedly appealing. And as we are a veg-box household (because I am a pretentious arse and like to coo over my nice brown box filled with nice healthy things) we are often in the position of finding ourselves with some scraggly bits of veg at the end of the week that I am at a loss to know what to do with.

Well SOUP IS THE NEW ANSWER. I have had another entirely unexpected kitchen triumph with my Any Old Veg Soup, not just in my book but in James and Blake’s books too *mummy smug-got-you-to-eat-loads-of-veggies-face.* And actually, as the weather turns drizzly and mizzly and crap, I think that a nice tasty hearty soup, served with some nice artisan (ARSE YOU BOUGHT IT IN ALDI) bread is a thing I have really missed the boat on previously, so here you go…

Any Old Veg Soup

Dig around in the veg compartment in your fridge. Chuck out mouldy beans at the bottom. Grab a courgette, 2 carrots on the verge of going flaccid (feel smug that they will not go to waste), swede (why did you buy this?? What does one do with swede?) and a butternut squash.

Attack the swede. Discover, as your super sharp knife lodges firmly into it, that swede has the consistency of concrete. Wave knife and embedded swede around wildly, punching yourself in the face as you do so. Eventually succeed in hacking it into chunks. Crunch.

Chop butternut squash in half with moderately more success than with the swede. Peel squash and your index finger. Chop into chunks. Chop chop chop.

Put Peppa Pig plaster on finger.

Chuckle at floppiness of carrots. Peel and chop up.

Chop up courgette.

Find an onion and cut in half. Fling yourself at it with gusto and smash it to bits with your knife in an attempt to chop finely.

Grab cheats frozen ginger and garlic (so gooooood for you *smug face*) and dole out about 2 cloves worth of garlic and a cube of ginger.

Find the biggest pan you own. Tip all other pans over in process. Settle your toddler back to sleep.

Daub some coconut oil (*SMUG* ALL THE HEALTH) into pan and bang on the heat.

Gently fry veg in pan while you attempt to find and tidy away all the toy trains littered around the house. A proper recipe would probably say to do this (the frying, not tidying) until the veg is softened. There was so much veg in the pan that I just let it do its thing until it all looked a bit glossy and colourful.

At this point, remember you bought some cheap-as-piss white wine a while ago. Unscrew the cap. Stare in puzzlement at wine as it fizzes (it was flat when you bought it), shrug and chuck a glass load in. Crank up the heat and let it bubble away and reduce.

Root around in spice rack. Grab paprika, cumin, cayenne and chilli powder. Shake in a good shake of paprika muttering shakey shakey shakey. Grab the cumin and add about the same amount. Grab cayenne, lose your concentration and add far more than the pinch you intended. Focus more with the chilli powder and just add a bit. Stir.

Realise you have not made up any stock. Hastily boil a kettle and crumble four stock cubes (low-salt OBVS) into a litre of boiling water. Stir frantically and add to the pan. Slosh.

Bring to the boil, and put a lid on the pan. Turn heat down and leave it alone for 30 minutes while you do Pilates Perfect Body DVD and fall over twice. Run FAST AS THE WIND to kitchen as the timer goes off to avoid waking toddler again.

Take the lid off, season (if you are comfortable to) and turn the heat up a little so you get a simmer. Leave for another 20 mins or so until rock hard swede is soft when you spear it with a skewer.

Either chuck it into a processor/blender or grab your faithful Tesco Value stick blender and whizz it up until smooth.

Remember you have a herb garden since Hubby bought some offshoots home from work! Grab what you think is coriander. Rinse and butcher with knife AHEM CHOP FINELY. Tip into soup PLOP and stir.

Dish up immediately, or cool and chuck in a Tupperware in the fridge, or bag it up and put into the freezer OOOOO CHOICES MARVELLOUS CHOICES.

I thought the spices in this made it really tasty, and I reckon you could sub in any root veg really, and sling in all sorts of other green veg in your mission to turn a bowl of it into your toddler’s 5 a day DO NOT EVEN MENTION IT’S 7 NOW.

For Blake, I stirred in about 2 tblsp of whole milk and a good grating of cheese, and it was inhaled at a speed that made me want to pass out in triumph at the amount of goodness going into him in one go without any bargaining or wheedling.

No picture I’m afraid as I was too sure I’d cayenned it to death to think it worth snapping.

dazedandmumfused is on Twitter @dazednmumfused and Instagram: dazedandmumfused

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