Somehow, it is New Years Eve. Where did a year go? It’s a cliche but I really have no idea – it has flown by in a blur and landed me here, in my dressing gown in the Kitchen while Blake watches Cars 2 and James has a mini lie in (I have to get him up at 8.30 for work), reflecting briefly upon it.
It has been a good year. In fact, I would go so far to say great. I turned 30 and celebrated and was spoiled and realised how lucky I am to have the friends and family I do. I started this blog and, unexpectedly, people read it and I found my way back to a little part of me that had been missing really since I fell pregnant. A new opportunity came up at work that has made me happier. James and I celebrated 5 years of marriage and our first year in our new house. My in-laws celebrated their Ruby Wedding over a gorgeous, sunny weekend in the Summer. We went to France with my parents, and of course we had the unexpected trip of a lifetime to Singapore. I have only had three really bad hangovers. And there have been a wealth of lovely moments that I couldn’t even begin to record here – happy days out and about, precious moments with my family, fun with friends. I have laughed lots, smiled more, felt lucky.
Of course I have cried to. I have witnessed people I care about go through tough, rough, awful things this year and I continue to send my love to them.
But overwhelmingly, the taste 2014 leaves me with is sweet. And predictably and rightly, wrapped up at the very heart of it is Blake. I’ve already reflected on his growth this year, the changes that have seen him come into his own. But what Christmas has made me aware of, and what I reflect on now, is that he is just on the cusp of boyhood – straddling a line between toddler and boy. Spending Christmas with my Brother in Law and his family brought this into sharp relief as their little girl Emelia, who is less than 2 weeks older than Blake, has made the leap. She is a gorgeous little girl – nothing of the toddler remains. Blake is not quite there, and while I have watched him creep up on boyhood this year, what I want to record here, which will otherwise pass by and be forgotten are those last vestiges of the toddler that I know will go during 2015.
I still lift Blake out of the bath at night, wrap him in a warm towel and carry him up to his room to get into his PJs. This will go quite soon I think as he is verging on being simply too heavy to lift and will want to climb out of the bath himself, but I love that last real cuddle of the day, and I love the nights when he is really tired and snuggles himself into the gap between my shoulder and neck rather than wacking me over the head with Lightening McQueen or a train.
There are some nights, particularly after a full day at Nursery, when he will get to within a few spoonfuls of finishing his tea and look at me with weary eyes and say ‘please will you help me Mummy? I’m too tired.’ And I do.
Nappies. They are going soon I hope, Nursery are adamant he’s ready to potty train despite active resistance at home. But sometimes, after I’ve changed him, he will stand up on his changing unit and literally throw himself into my arms.
He was a late starter on the movement front – not walking until 18 months, and sometimes his confidence isn’t quite there. He’s only really just mastered jumping and while he can get up stairs, sometimes coming down on his own is push too far. And so we come down stairs together, with his little hand in mine.
He’s an affectionate little boy right now, generous with hugs and kisses. I love that he will often potter up to me in the middle of the day, plant a smacker on me and then toddle off again. I hope that won’t go this year, but I suspect it might as he becomes simply too busy for such things.
I look forward to 2015. James has a new job and I am beyond hopeful this will allow a little more family time before school beckons for Blake and we lose this blissful stage. I look forward to more big and little moments with everyone dear to me. And of course I look forward to watching Blake grow through another year.
Thank you for taking the time to read and support dazedandmumfused this year. It has meant an awful lot. I hope your moments of reflection bring back more happiness than sadness, and however you are celebrating later have a great night. I’m cooking Toad in the Hole for my parents, hoping James is home before midnight and categorically not getting so drunk that I ring my in-laws to tell them I’m leaving their Son for Gary Barlow and spend the first day of the New Year in a pit of hungover woe.
Happy New Year x
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