Here are some things I have observed about jet lag:

– if you are flying with time, by which I mean you get to your destination and it is hours further forward in the day than your body clock thinks it is, jetlag is not the wildly debilitating thing I had imagined it would be. It is, in fact, a wildly BORING thing because you will find yourself awake at an odd time in the morning reserved only for the drunk or the parents of newborns. And whilst you will not be able to get back to sleep for hours, neither will you feel like you should get up because it is after all the middle of the pissing night. So you lie there, not getting up, not reading, not doing anything to stimulate your brain in the vain hope you can trick it back to sleep. For hours. Which allows ample time for you to peruse all of your parenting fails for the day – the lack of patience, the short temper, the giving in too easily or being too hard. It also allows ample time for an irritating children’s TV theme of your choice to play on loop in your head CHUUUUUUUUUG-ING-TON! CHUGGER CHUGGER CHUGGER CHUGGER CHUG-ING-TON!

– if you are flying against time, so you land thinking it is lunch time when it is actually 5am, it is COMPLETELY debilitating. You will find yourself crying in Tescos because you cannot remember where the canned tomatoes are and you will go to bed approximately 5 minutes after you have put your toddler to bed feeling like you have been hit by a bus

– speaking of toddlers, if you expose a toddler to jetlag, you should prepare yourself for the fact that somewhere along the line they will stage a coup against your leadership of the house and attempt to set up a dictator state that functions entirely on their whims. I cannot tell you how long this will go on for – we are two weeks in and still having to defend against random attacks including demands to eat chocolate Christmas tree decorations at 6am, meltdowns because we have not read books exactly right, breakfast cereal being used as a weapon, and a general denunciation of all food offered up as DISGUSTING (even that most beloved toddler food the sausage is not past rejection at times)

– speaking of food, you will not be able to figure out what you should eat and when. You will find yourself craving steak at 2am and preparing Weetabix for dinner. You will not be hungry at lunchtime.

– jetlag’s tail has a sting. You may think you are recovered, you may be sleeping at the right time and eating relatively normally, but you are not quite over it. What you should definitely not do, in the two weeks post flight, is go out to your company Christmas party, all giddy and WOO HOO thinking you are 25 and can handle drink (especially if your track record in life indicates that you have NEVER been able to handle drink) and hit the vodka, because that almost certainly will not end well for you. You will wake up with a bruised arse having taken a graceful fall down some steps, and little to no dignity remaining.


If however, you are offered the opportunity to visit Singapore one day, you should absolutely go and take whatever the jetlag lobs at you. You will not regret it.

dazedandmumfused is on Twitter @dazednmumfused and Instagram: dazedandmumfused


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