Phase Optimum

I’m here! I’d like to proclaim I’m back but let’s be honest, that would imply a return to regular posting and while my intentions are good my output has been dismal of late.

Anyway, here I am. I have been intending to write a blog for a while about the many phases of life with a young child. I will write it, somewhere along the line, but right here right now we are firmly in this rather brilliant phase where Blake has a strong enough mastery of English to be able to express himself well, whilst continuing to see the world through a child’s eyes.

Which essentially translates to being wincingly, brutally honest. Except of course when I ask him who broke up the mega Brio track that it took 45 minutes and the majority of the swear words in the English language to construct, in which case he will swear blind it was Thomas.
Thomas?
Yes Mummy.
Thomas the Tank Engine?
Yes.
Your toy engine?
Yes, he broke the track.
He broke the track with his toy rage?
Yes he did.

I am calling this phase PHASE OPTIMUM.

There are times when PHASE OPTIMUM is utterly utterly brilliant.

Can you put your scarf on please.
No.
Well I’m putting my scarf on, and Mummy is putting her scarf on.
But I am not you. I am me.
*BEAT THAT LOGIC YOU SUCKERS.*
*Scarf is returned to cupboard*

There are times when it is mortifying.

When I grow up I will be a Mummy and I will snore. Very VERY LOUD.

And times when you wish for an invisibility cloak.

Look at that man’s teeth Mummy! They are SO wonky. He is making me laugh.

*In middle of supermarket* I LOVE MY WINKY SO MUCH MUMMY *stuffs hands down pants*

And then there are those moments when PHASE OPTIMUM lands you with a real suckerpunch and reminds you of the very simple, beautiful things in life that it is too easy to overlook as you sway from one grown up thing to the other.

The clouds are very lovely today Mummy.

I had a very lovely day today Daddy. We played and played in the park and everyone did smile and then I had ice cream.

This is a beautiful place Mummy.

People will always want to be good girls and boys Mummy.

Leon is my friend. And Isla is my friend. But you are my best girl Mummy.

Because in between being reminded that your hair is crazy and you snore like a demon, the glimpses of the world through a child’s eyes are a little bit of magic.

So I salute PHASE OPTIMUM. Infinitely superior to the phase of missing objects, the farts-are-funny phase and the many varied rages of the threenager.

dazedandmumfused is on Twitter @dazednmumfused and Instagram: dazedandmumfused

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